God is so good!

Last Tuesday, February 17th, 2009 we went to court thinking that Gabe Carlin was going to pull his plea. He took a plea and in September the judge sent him to prison for an evaluation. We heard that if the evaluation came back suggesting prison that Gabe Carlin would pull his plea. We have been praying and praying for him not to do this and this all to be over. But even more than that for God's will. If God thought we needed to go to trial we would but if we could have this over with as soon as possible then we would go for that.

I only got 3 hours of sleep Monday night. I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep so I began to pray. Pray for Gabe to stand up and be a man and take responsibility for his actions. When we got there it was hard but it was much easier this time. Last time at court, my friend was comforting me when I was the one who came to comfort and support her. When I saw Gabe and his family, even with the stares and smirks I didn't feel any anger. WOW!! That was a amazing!!! I felt so comforted. I felt God's hand on me and on my family-friends around me.

We had to wait to be the last case heard. The lawyers went back and forth on the plea. Gabe said he wouldn't pull his plea if he could do his time at the jail rather than prison. We didn't really care where he did time as long as he does time, no time spent, no good time, and gets help. So the plea was met. No time spent, no good time, 2 years incarcerated, 3 years probation, 13 total years on parole, pay for the victim and her families' counseling, finish successfully a sex offender treatment program.

The Judge said that he wanted to hear from Gabe. Gabe for the first time said from his own mouth that he was sorry for what he done, sorry that he dragged this out for 3 years: that he was worried about himself and his reputation. Though I don't think he is truly sorry for what he has done because of him threatening to pull his plea. His wife also spoke and apologized for the pain she caused the victim and the victim's family. I also don't believe she is truly sorry, especially since she was staring at the family and giving dirty looks right before court. Though I don't fully believe they were sincere; I am going to leave it to God for God to handle it. I don't need them to feel sorry or apologize to forgive them. I so agree with what the victim said in court in her impact statement "I don't want this on my shoulders any more".

It was relief to us all to see Gabe in prison white suit shackled. It is good to see that Gabe is being punished and that the victim and the victim's don't have to live in prison anymore: looking over their shoulders wondering if Gabe is there or around the corner. Though I do not wish Gabe any harm I do think that he should do his time for his crime and take full responsibility for what he has done.

The victim and the victim's family gave their impact statements. The victim had a very hard time speaking but, she was so strong, courageous. The truth shall set you free. Her parents, sister and aunt also spoke, all were moving and well spoken of the character of their daughter before the things that Gabe did to her, which changed her life and theirs forever. I absolutely loved it when the aunt asked the Judge if she could address Gabe. The judge said yes. She turned to Gabe and said, "Shame on you. Shame on your for taking the trust and faith from this little girl. Shame on you for taking the trust and faith from this family. SHAME ON YOU!..." Later on in court the Judge said, "I agree with Mrs. Guilfoyle(the victim's aunt), SHAME ON YOU!" Words I wanted to say for so long.

But, I believe what capped the day for me was when the Judge told Gabe that he wanted him to tell the court what he did on March 9th, 2006. Gabe said ok, "I took her home, co-hearsed her into her bedroom, she didn't want to go so I told her it would be alright, I sat her on her bed, I sat next to her, kissed her, told her I loved her, put one hand on her breast and one hand on her butt, then I realized what I was doing was wrong and I stopped." The Judge replied, No, Mr.Carlin. That's not what happened you didn't want to stop, something else happened, something about a dog." Gabe replied back, "Yes, the dog was barking at me." Gabe didn't make any further comments through out the rest of the court. This was good to hear though it was very hard. No better words could of been more fitting than the victim's word after court, "I am so glad that the Judge told Gabe he wanted him to say what he did because now every one knows I am not the liar. He is."

For 3 years now Gabe has been telling everyone this little girl and her family made this all up. Now the truth comes out. Praise GOD!!! After Gabe finished, the Judge said, "Tell why you did this Gabe." Gabe responded, "for my own sexual gratification" It was hard to hear that this man we trusted say such stomach curring things but, I am glad that he did because he can never go back and say that he didn't do it. The people that supported him and believed all his lies would know the truth. The truth is what needs to be heard no matter how much it hurts. Because there is no healing with out the truth.

Thank you LORD for always being faithful. I pray that Gabe will open his eyes and heart to you, ask for forgiveness and know that he needs boundaries. I pray that he never does this again or even put himself in the place to do something like this.

Can there be Justice with Forgiveness?

With this case still going on and again being postponded once again for the hundredth time. With Him being arrogant and rude in the courtroom... Can there be justice and forgiveness? Can you forgive someone who isn't repentant; who blames others for their actions? Can there be repentance even though this was a awful crime?

I thought I had this matter resolved inside my soul. I have forgiven my rapist, my mother, my father, my family, my friends, and I thought I have forgiven this man who had hurt my friend. But after speaking to my Pastor after the revival two weeks ago. I realized that yes, in a way I have forgiven this man (and a woman who hurt me dearly) but, when I think of him I saw this sin. When I saw him I saw him as someone who has tainted the name of God. But this last week I went to court with my friend. It was very very very very hard to see this man. This man, we trusted, we looked up to, ask questions about God, and respected and He was rude in court to "us". He wasn't repentatnt, remorseful in any sense. I felt at first rage of anger come up, "People will turn away from God because of you and your actions" but, as soon as I said that God said to me, "Yes, what he did was wrong, and evil. But I call you to forgive him. Forgive Him as I forgave you." No, I never have done anything like this man did but, the Lord has forgiven me of much. I am to forgive this man not for his sake but, for my own soul. When I see this man and yes, I still feel angry that he has done this. Yes, I feel angry that he is acting this way. But do I see him as this sin? I believe I am on the way to truly forgiving this man. Not because he deserves it. NO! Because I don't want to hold this hatered and bitterness any longer. I see him as "broken". A man broken and that needs God. So can there be forgiveness and justice? I truly believe yes. Yes there can. I believe we can forgive him and him still be hold accountable for his actions. Now my next action to take is how do I show forgiveness to these people. How do I show forgiveness without letting them not take respondsiblity for their actions? This is a whole new chapter....

What happened to Justice?

I have been writing an impact statement letter to the judge of the case where my friend's daughter was taken advantage of by her teacher, faith adviser, and family friend. It has been two and half years and finally he plead guilty and they say that he won't get more than 12 months in jail or none at all. This is ridiculous! Utah is the worst state imaginable on this. A kid who gets caught with a bag of dope gets a lot more time than someone who is a child molester. This just makes me sick! Okay I got to leave it at that. I'm getting too wrapped up.